How to overcome this? Change your behaviour.
Expert tips from clinical psychologist, Belinda Train.
For many people, any intense emotional state — high or low — can result in spending. Spending money can neutralise emotional states, thus bringing about self-regulation. This ability to regulate emotions is crucial for our physical and mental wellbeing.
People adopt a variety of ways of regulating intense emotional states — some are healthy and others less so. Healthy self-regulation helps us feel in touch with our inner world, builds a sense of competence, and creates a positive feedback loop that reinforces our self-esteem. Unhealthy means of self-regulating can result in further negative emotions such as regret, fear, guilt and shame. This then sets up a negative feedback loop that has on-going negative effects on, in the case of spending, one’s finances in the long-term.
Essential to all healthy ways of regulating emotions is the ability to tune in to your inner world and notice your feelings without judgement: to feel these feelings and tolerate them rather than reacting impulsively to avoid them, as Yonela is doing.
You might want to think about a few alternatives to spending in advance so that you are prepared when such difficult feelings come up. For some, it might be reading inspirational material, doing something creative, getting out in nature, taking a walk, or doing some other form of exercise. For others, it might be making meaningful social contact.
You may want to identify your particular spending triggers:
- Wanting to cheer yourself up, if something bad or upsetting happens.
- Generally feeling down.
- Feeling you need to spend to impress others.
- Wanting to treat others.
- Compensatory, making up for something missing in your life or filling a void.
- Feeling good.
- Feeling bored.
Things to practice:
- Set clear intentions regarding spending and savings.
- Create rules for yourself like never buying anything on impulse — you can always go back if you still want it 24 hours later; avoid advertising, and limit temptation by not hanging out in places you'll be tempted to spend, whether in malls or online.
- When the impulse to spend on something non-essential that you haven't budgeted for comes up, notice the feelings and remind yourself you don't have to act on them.
- If you find yourself making one of those unintended spends, it’s better to be compassionate with yourself rather than beating yourself up, which will just set you back into a negative feedback loop. Simply recommit yourself to your intentions.